Behind the mask of youth and beauty lies the face, the reality that we all are going to age and eventually die. We are all born, we all live our lives, we all age, and we all die. The average American (M/F) life expectancy was around 50 years old in 1915, now it is closer to 80 years: by the year 2050, the predictions are that the average life expectancy will be well into 90 years or more. (m.livescience.com). According to the United State Census website, by the year 2050, 1 in 5 American will be over the age of 65, that translates into a figure close to 80 million. Those numbers are due to the “Baby Boomers” getting older. Baby Boomers are considered the 18-year generation that expands from 1946 to 1964. The Baby Boomers are considered one of the most redefining generations of American history. They have been considered the “ME” generation. The Baby Boomers are one of the most privileged, most affluent of any generation before them. The white privileged were able to take advantage of all the benefits that were offered to them in post war America. I am from the latter fringes of that generation, and we are referred to as “Generation Jones”, by author Jonathan Pontell or sometimes called the “Baby Busters”. We are the “in between” generation of the Baby Boomers and Generation X. The Gen Jonesers, lack the benefits of the baby boomers, and dealt with post-Vietnam War, post-Civil Rights Movement, we dealt with the dismantling of the industrial complex, segregation, we are the lost generation of the last century. As I am into a new awareness of my lifespan, I feel that disconnect with the baby boomers or the next generation of “Xers”. In that disconnect I have found a place where I belong, it is in service to others, called in the spiritual world; Seva (Selfless Service) or Karma yoga. In that not belonging to anyone one generation, anyone group or anyone culture, I feel like I am able to be of service. As the baby boomers and the Gen Jonesers age they are going need help. Statistically, those generations had less children, divorced more often, had greater mobility hence creating less of a safety net of social structure for aging. Those of the privileged white baby boomer has fared very well in retirement planning the statics show that those of color and LBGT are less prepared are being isolated from social services, spiritual and emotional support they desperately need. I was born into a family that took care of each other. I learned early in life that one not only has a responsibility to oneself you have a “duty” to care for the elders and the younger ones in your family.
Whatever the generation one is born into the reality is that we are all going to grow old and we are all going to die. The great Sage, Siddhartha Shakyamuni, (The Buddha) had an experience in his search for enlightenment, called the THREE AWAKENING SIGHTS: OLD AGE, DISEASE, and DEATH. Siddhartha was born of nobility and of great wealth over 2,500 years ago in India. His family took great pains to shield him from the realities of the other world. He knew nothing of poverty, hunger, or suffering. His path to find enlightenment took him out of his life of privilege. He chose to leave his world of a prince and began a search for what we Buddhists call Nirvana (enlightenment). In his search his first insight (awakening) was seeing a very old man, his second (awakening) was a quoted in the text of his teachings “some few grow old, most suffer, and fall sick, but all must die. Death is the third (awakening). It what we all share in the human condition. If we are fortunate enough to survive “life” we all die. The Buddha went on to teach that one should respect, honor, take care of your elders, they are the gate keepers of wisdom to the soul. It is your duty in the life to care of others especially for the weak, the sick, children and the elderly. His Holiness the Dali Lama is quoted saying “In our daily lives, problems are bound to arise. The biggest problem in our lives are the ones that we will inevitably have to face, like old age, illness and death.”
His Holiness is one of my greatest teachers. He has been a great influence in my life. I had the honor of being in his presence in 1991 in Santa Fe, New Mexico, where he came to bless our Stupa. It was during the teaching and the blessing that I heard from the living “buddha” that life is impermanent, that we will all grow old, we will all suffer, and we will all die. He spoke on the vows of the Bodhisattva, or the enlightened beings who have put off entering paradise in order to help others to attain enlightenment. One of the embodiments of the Bodhisattva that I honor and pray to is Guan Yin, The Goddess of Mercy and Compassion. She has been my guidance most of my adult life, along with Mother Mary, Ammachi and many other forms of the Goddess. I have taken on the vow of helping others as my life work without question. It is a natural state of being for me. It isn’t forced. I do not do it for approval or to find some magical place in an illusion called Heaven. It is my calling. I do not question it. It has many names and many ways to manifest but in one simple word it is called LOVE.
One of my first Gurus (teachers) was Jesus Christ. I embraced his message of loving one another as one’s self. To do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Some of his most sacred teachings are those of selfless caring – Seva, Karma Yoga. I was born into a large family in the Appalachia South. My family lived off the land we took care of our elderly. I learned at an early age to respect, honor and care for those who were the most fragile. It was imprinted in my upbringing to love one another. Though I memorized the Scriptures of the Christian text there was something deeper in my soul that caring by obligation, even at an early age, I took it as a natural part of my being. I never questioned my sense of self nor my soft, loving nature. One of my first memories of caring for the elderly is combing my great grandmother Dora’s hair. She was well into her late 80’s when I was born in 1957 and my memory of her is around the age of five. I remember taking her glasses off her face and placing them on the dresser. I remember how crystalline blue her eyes were. I remember her telling me to take the comb from the dresser and to start at the top of her head and comb down to the back of her waistline where her silver hair stopped. I remember hair smelling of musty smoke from the morning fire, I remember getting her hair perfectly parted down the middle on both sides. I remember her telling me to take each part and lap them over and start to braid. I meticulously listened and at age five, braided her hair into a beehive bun on the back with hair pins. I remember her telling me to pick out a bonnet from her upper dresser drawer. I picked the cleanest one I could find. In my culture, the old folks wore bonnets to protect them from the sun; every woman covered her head with a bonnet just as the men wore hats. The summer sun was brutal. From that memory, I lay the foundation of caring for the elderly, for the sick in my life, wit out question, with a since of duty and longing. I loved my great grandmother. I was present as with over 25 members of my family when was on her death bed. I remember visiting her beside and holding her hand, she died when I was eight years old. I remember the collective tears of my family as we placed her in her grave. I cared for her and she for me. I fulfilled my duty as her great-grandchild, I learned from her the meaning of love. It was my first lesson in service to others.
Duty is larger than obligation. Having a sense of duty for me means that I will go beyond my wants and desires, it goes beyond me fulfilling my linear obligations. I have held caring for others as my duty, my calling in life. I have helped a friend with AIDS die with dignity in my home along with other members of our community in the 1990’s. I used to help an elderly neighbor in Santa Fe, get to bed on my days off, fix her dinner, read her mail to her. All because it was my duty to help. It is with that mission that I started to think about what I should do for my senior project. I had spent the two semesters allowing myself to look at my epistemology around being a transgender person and thought that I would use the senior project as a means in which to write a research paper on transformative gender rights. What I mean by transformative is the investigation of changing the laws, the perceptions of we, transgendered-identified people. I used that platform for my field reader and thoroughly enjoyed researching the different views from the feminist perspective and thought that I would further the paper in current affairs, yet something happened in an information session, I went to about the Masters in Community Mental Health here at CIIS.
Steven Tierney, the program director discussed the need to follow one’s calling in one’s life. I started to think of how early on in life, I knew that I meant to help the elderly and the sick. I mentioned to him that I felt like the senior LGBT community was in great need and asked where should I start. He suggested that I visit OpenHouse or find other senior community centers to volunteer in to see if I wanted to dedicate my life to service of the community at large.